Good afternoon, people.
I'm in a decidedly good mood compared to the previous week, even though it's Christmas. Never really been a huge fan of Christmas since my parents split. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with not being able to hang around dad at mum's side of the family's annual get-together on Christmas eve. The majority of the family act like they don't have to time for us. So, as usual, my sister and I spent the night talking to the only members of the family we relate to; our 13 year old cousin Jessy, her mother ( who I had extended conversations with, about tattoos and other things) and various young children - including my new puzzle buddy, 3 year old Owen (who happens to be born on the 23rd of April, like me (and is Mr. Hickling's brother's son)). We spent the last part of the night doing puzzles while my other cousin, Jeremy, destroyed them.
The next day went to my dad's sisters place for lunch, and besides the disappointment over the lack of Nana's potato bake, had a lot of fun (Nana made up for it with her trifle). My Auntie Kerry made good potato bake, but she's no Nana. Well, she is - just not my Nana.
Then, dad's brother's place for Boxing day. Again, very fun and hilarious watching dad and his brothers fighting about nothing and Nana intervening and telling them they're naughty.
Happy [premature] New Year, and good evening :)
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
the stupidity
A list of pointless things about me that will serve no purpose besides giving me something to do.
Sunday, 13th December, 2009 - 10:42pm
I am a hypocrite.
Hypocrites really annoy me.
It confuses me how people who strive not to be categorised by religion, categorise themselves as an Atheist or Agnostic.
People need to admit when they don't know something.
There are two things that get me in trouble - thinking too much and not thinking enough.
I want to blend in with the crowd, but I want to stand out.
I try hard to make the things I do look effortless.
I talk about myself too much even though I hate talking about myself.
If I tell someone everything, I never give them all the details.
If I give someone all the details, I never tell them everything.
I don't like people knowing about me because the fear that they'll use it against me is always there.
I always find a way for something to be my fault.
I wish I knew more people.
I love colour, but everything I do ends up black and white.
I wish there was something about me that was unexplainable.
I'll always be average.
People are constantly telling me things I don't know about myself.
There's only one person in the world that knows that's something wrong with me before I do.
I wish I had someone instead of being the person people have.
I wish I could find something I can really care about until I bleed from the eyeballs.
I try hard and get nowhere while people who don't try at all travel.
I hate change but fear anything unchangeable.
I need to be around people that will let me reinvent myself every day.
Things need order but I need spontaneity.
I wish I was interesting.
Anytime someone says they're proud of me, and mean it, I'll start to cry.
I hate being sad, without knowing why.
I wish I was the person people came to for help, instead of the other way around.
Internet Personality Tests know more about me than I do.
I don't believe my own opinions because logic is absent.
There's one person I want to read this, but they never will. Just so they know I'm not ignorant.
I wish I knew what I was doing.
Sunday, 13th December, 2009 - 10:42pm
I am a hypocrite.
Hypocrites really annoy me.
It confuses me how people who strive not to be categorised by religion, categorise themselves as an Atheist or Agnostic.
People need to admit when they don't know something.
There are two things that get me in trouble - thinking too much and not thinking enough.
I want to blend in with the crowd, but I want to stand out.
I try hard to make the things I do look effortless.
I talk about myself too much even though I hate talking about myself.
If I tell someone everything, I never give them all the details.
If I give someone all the details, I never tell them everything.
I don't like people knowing about me because the fear that they'll use it against me is always there.
I always find a way for something to be my fault.
I wish I knew more people.
I love colour, but everything I do ends up black and white.
I wish there was something about me that was unexplainable.
I'll always be average.
People are constantly telling me things I don't know about myself.
There's only one person in the world that knows that's something wrong with me before I do.
I wish I had someone instead of being the person people have.
I wish I could find something I can really care about until I bleed from the eyeballs.
I try hard and get nowhere while people who don't try at all travel.
I hate change but fear anything unchangeable.
I need to be around people that will let me reinvent myself every day.
Things need order but I need spontaneity.
I wish I was interesting.
Anytime someone says they're proud of me, and mean it, I'll start to cry.
I hate being sad, without knowing why.
I wish I was the person people came to for help, instead of the other way around.
Internet Personality Tests know more about me than I do.
I don't believe my own opinions because logic is absent.
There's one person I want to read this, but they never will. Just so they know I'm not ignorant.
I wish I knew what I was doing.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
the familiarity
I'm shaking, vomiting, sobbing, stressing and basically feel like crap.
I've been here before.
The only thing I can do is cut out everything that makes me unhappy.
Or cut myself out from everything.
I'll let you know what I choose.
Or you can see it for yourself.
I've been here before.
The only thing I can do is cut out everything that makes me unhappy.
Or cut myself out from everything.
I'll let you know what I choose.
Or you can see it for yourself.
the sister I'll never have
I'm really sick of being treated like crap by the person I'm supposed to be closest to. I have hardly done anything to her since she was born and definitely nothing compared to what she does to me.
She walks all over me and acts like she's better than everybody else, and as usual is still the centre of attention. The constant name calling is getting a bit much, as petty as an argument based on 'you're fat' is, the last time she said it, I didn't eat for two days. I'm not going to explain everything shes done, but this is from my sister. My own little sister who I've done nothing but protect since she was born.
Before you tell me not to turn my back, I have two choices - let her be or end up exactly where I was last year. And that's not a place you want to be.
She was my sister. I'm done trying to look out for her. Shes turned into a monster and I want nothing to do with her.
Good luck and farewell.
She walks all over me and acts like she's better than everybody else, and as usual is still the centre of attention. The constant name calling is getting a bit much, as petty as an argument based on 'you're fat' is, the last time she said it, I didn't eat for two days. I'm not going to explain everything shes done, but this is from my sister. My own little sister who I've done nothing but protect since she was born.
Before you tell me not to turn my back, I have two choices - let her be or end up exactly where I was last year. And that's not a place you want to be.
She was my sister. I'm done trying to look out for her. Shes turned into a monster and I want nothing to do with her.
Good luck and farewell.
Monday, November 30, 2009
the things that catch my interest
Happy first day of December people! Summer is in the air, can you feel it?? No. Because it's cold and there's water falling from the sky. Okay, I usually love wet and cold days but I usually have something to do. I feel lazy. Albeit, I am lazy, but sitting around watching countdowns on Vh1 with no make-up on, hair undone and still in my jammies just isn't that appealing. i obviously ended up doing the thing I've been nagging myself to do for the past couple days: ramble on about nothing in particular on a website nobody looks at - slightly more appealing than doing nothing - which is proving slightly more difficult than I anticipated. One, I have nothing to say and two, my fingernails are too long to type on a laptop keyboard. I know, play me a violin...
Before I go on, I have to say two things; oh my God, the only time I've ever watched The Morning Show and the Whitlams just happen to be on it; and, only four days until I see said band in Sydney! Exclamation marks and smiley faces :).
I served I guy at work last week. He was nice enough, didn't smile much but who could tell under that white beard. I swear he was Santa. Santa has apparently followed Pauline Hanson and is living in Maitland. Speaking of strange politicians, is it just me or does Tony Abbott resemble a Batman villain? And if he is a Batman villain, does that mean K-Rudd is Batman? Ooo, conspiracy theory.
Miley "f-ing" Cyrus thinks Twilight is a cult. I don't care, do you? CelebrityFix does.
Have you ever looked at the prettiest girl in the street and thought: shes the kind of person people write songs for.
And finally, my three followers, I wont go into details but your heart hasn't broken until you've seen a grown man cry.
That is all.
Before I go on, I have to say two things; oh my God, the only time I've ever watched The Morning Show and the Whitlams just happen to be on it; and, only four days until I see said band in Sydney! Exclamation marks and smiley faces :).
I served I guy at work last week. He was nice enough, didn't smile much but who could tell under that white beard. I swear he was Santa. Santa has apparently followed Pauline Hanson and is living in Maitland. Speaking of strange politicians, is it just me or does Tony Abbott resemble a Batman villain? And if he is a Batman villain, does that mean K-Rudd is Batman? Ooo, conspiracy theory.
Miley "f-ing" Cyrus thinks Twilight is a cult. I don't care, do you? CelebrityFix does.
Have you ever looked at the prettiest girl in the street and thought: shes the kind of person people write songs for.
And finally, my three followers, I wont go into details but your heart hasn't broken until you've seen a grown man cry.
That is all.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
the untitled blog
Someone once asked me how I can like the rain.
Honestly, I don't know.
There's something about seeing the sky on the concrete.
The feeling of being inside where it's warm and secure while it's raining outside.
I don't think I love anything more than the rain.
The smell, the look, the feeling.
It doesn't matter what you look like because everyone looks the same in the rain.
It doesn't matter what you wear because everyone's just trying to keep warm.
Nobody cares who you are, what you look like or what you do.
They're too busy thinking about the rain.
Rain is unbiased.
It drives people insane.
Then we ask for it back again.
Not many people can do that.
Honestly, I don't know.
There's something about seeing the sky on the concrete.
The feeling of being inside where it's warm and secure while it's raining outside.
I don't think I love anything more than the rain.
The smell, the look, the feeling.
It doesn't matter what you look like because everyone looks the same in the rain.
It doesn't matter what you wear because everyone's just trying to keep warm.
Nobody cares who you are, what you look like or what you do.
They're too busy thinking about the rain.
Rain is unbiased.
It drives people insane.
Then we ask for it back again.
Not many people can do that.
the late-night pondering
I've been thinking... Ooo, shocker! And as usual, istead of figuring things out, I'm left with more questions then I started with. My sister has a 'boyfriend'. He is in year 9, my sister is not. Ergo: her 'boyfriend' is around about my age. I do not like it. Why does she need a 'boyfriend'? "'Cause, I want to". What's the point? "Everything".
Okay, I'm being a tad hypocritical. But whoever Jacob Trunk is, I'm assuming he's a wanker. Because that's the kind of person my sister is; an idiot. She's still being a wanker. Accusing dad of 'choking' her in an argument and continuously pushing things to appear tough or something.
I was pissy this morning, I had to get out of bed at a set time and I don't like it. She kept backchatting mum, starting arguments and, when she lost, kept saying, "aww, whatever you idiot". So I told her that if she kept going I'd show her what an idiot was. To which she replied "your gonna show me what an idiot is, are ya?" So I punched her. Ended up pretty smart in the end. Told her an idiot was someone or started fights then ran away from them. I came out looking like the intelligent one - and getting a foot in the boob but that isn't relevent.
In conclusion, my sister is an idiot, I am the smart one and my sister's male counterpart is undoubtedly a complete tosser. Goodnight.
Okay, I'm being a tad hypocritical. But whoever Jacob Trunk is, I'm assuming he's a wanker. Because that's the kind of person my sister is; an idiot. She's still being a wanker. Accusing dad of 'choking' her in an argument and continuously pushing things to appear tough or something.
I was pissy this morning, I had to get out of bed at a set time and I don't like it. She kept backchatting mum, starting arguments and, when she lost, kept saying, "aww, whatever you idiot". So I told her that if she kept going I'd show her what an idiot was. To which she replied "your gonna show me what an idiot is, are ya?" So I punched her. Ended up pretty smart in the end. Told her an idiot was someone or started fights then ran away from them. I came out looking like the intelligent one - and getting a foot in the boob but that isn't relevent.
In conclusion, my sister is an idiot, I am the smart one and my sister's male counterpart is undoubtedly a complete tosser. Goodnight.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
the dilusion-inducing heat
Today was hot. Apparently not quite as hot as it felt but still hot. I started the day in my sometimes-usual 'don't know what the hell this crap is coming out of my mouth but people seem to be laughing' self. Silently dreading Ryan and I's dance assesment that we hadn't done yet. Who the hell puts dancing on the school certificate?? Anyways, by the time of tutor group - which was in the hall so we could have a pre-school certificate briefing (fu-un) - I thought I'd get out of it because my partner wasn't there.
Alas, he was. And we did it. It was all kinds of shithouse, but we did it.
Science was fucking awesome. Dr. Maher is awesome. He wears cool ties, rides a motorbike, has tatoos, give us iceblocks in the middle of summer, give us chocolate to 'test the hypothesis of sugar makes you work faster' and today - brought a samurai sword to school to teach us about attention to detail in the school certificate. Just. Fucking. Awesome.
After a reletively eventless recess, double English. I like English, I can actually do it. Nothing really happened there either. Just an entire class melting and falling asleep in a classroom in front of a teacher who was trying to inspire us. Or something. I think the heat was getting to him too, he said some pretty disturbing comments that even he seemed to regret half-way through.
English was over pretty quick. And lunch was intantly good. Someone in the school, a sorry teacher, the embarrassed principal or maybe even God - because we lovingly devote our youth-filled lives to worship the cloud - gave us our table back. Well, not our table, it's a bit hard to put something back onto a slab of concrete after you cut the legs off and filled in the holes with crappy catholic concrete, but a new table... A new to the area table. Now we don't have to sit on the ground. Hallelujah!
Then... Double History.
We did some past school certificates, listened to Mr Bartlett mumble on about rubbish or something and then watched the Melbourne Cup. For a race that supposedly 'stops the nation', we all seemed a tad uninterested. So unAustralian. Must be the heat.
Alas, he was. And we did it. It was all kinds of shithouse, but we did it.
Science was fucking awesome. Dr. Maher is awesome. He wears cool ties, rides a motorbike, has tatoos, give us iceblocks in the middle of summer, give us chocolate to 'test the hypothesis of sugar makes you work faster' and today - brought a samurai sword to school to teach us about attention to detail in the school certificate. Just. Fucking. Awesome.
After a reletively eventless recess, double English. I like English, I can actually do it. Nothing really happened there either. Just an entire class melting and falling asleep in a classroom in front of a teacher who was trying to inspire us. Or something. I think the heat was getting to him too, he said some pretty disturbing comments that even he seemed to regret half-way through.
English was over pretty quick. And lunch was intantly good. Someone in the school, a sorry teacher, the embarrassed principal or maybe even God - because we lovingly devote our youth-filled lives to worship the cloud - gave us our table back. Well, not our table, it's a bit hard to put something back onto a slab of concrete after you cut the legs off and filled in the holes with crappy catholic concrete, but a new table... A new to the area table. Now we don't have to sit on the ground. Hallelujah!
Then... Double History.
We did some past school certificates, listened to Mr Bartlett mumble on about rubbish or something and then watched the Melbourne Cup. For a race that supposedly 'stops the nation', we all seemed a tad uninterested. So unAustralian. Must be the heat.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
the letter
I'm going to put a myspace comment I sent to my little sister a couple minutes ago because I know she wont approve it. I felt like putting it on here because this is where I put all my other stupid, angry rants. She keeps putting...umm, 'sugestive' photos on myspace and one with the caption "I dont not have cum on my tongue" really annoyed me.
You're a fucking moron. You're going to end up pregnant and barefoot in the gutter like an airhead whore cause you don't know the difference between a condom and a plastic bag. You're my little sister and you are twelve. Your not even a fucking teenager yet. You still run aroung tucking teddy bears into bed and watching Hannah Montana. This is so stupid. And you know who thinks this looks good? Other dumbshits who think they're hot because they're in highschool and paedophiles. You and other little KIDS in year seven would have no fucking clue how many 40-something year-olds are jacking off to you pointless myspace bullshit. And don't tell me that they can't see it because your profiles private because you will accept anyone without red hair. You need to wake up to your self. I'm not saying this because I'm trying to piss you off, I'm saying it because you'll end up a dog who gets no respect and sleeps around cause your an easy tramp. You my baby sister and the nicest person in the world when your not around complete idoits who do this all the time. It's not funny, Gracie. I'm sure as fuck not laughing, I'm friggin crying as im typing. You might think its hilarious but at least i care. these other kids that comment you saying they love you and your photos are hot or whatever, they obviously don't care because they're condoning something that is stupid and dangerous. Your better than that. Your a smart person, but as gullable as all hell. Don't believe every fairy tale you hear. I love you.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
the dog
Mum and I keep having this argument about me getting a dog. One minute she says yes, next a flat out no. The this that really pisses me off is that as soon as I start proving my point, she shuts up and refuses to talk to me because shes 'not in the mood'. The reason I ant a dog is so I have someone to talk to. I've always loved dogs and had them until I was about 13. I had a dog called Ricky and he was my best friend in a family where my mum constantly decides shes 'not in the mood' to make her kids dinner, tells us we're 'not her problem' on dads weekend and tells me I never appreciate anything and a sister who hates me, calls me stupid things like fat and frequently tells to 'go kill myself'.
I told mum that dad thought it was rediculous that she has be in the right mood to feed us and she said something like 'thats what you do, you don't get your own way so you say things just to hurt people. Felt like telling her to go and fuck her boyfriend unless she was cheating on him too.
Can't wait for year 10 to finish so I can live at dads and stop being treated like crap.
I told mum that dad thought it was rediculous that she has be in the right mood to feed us and she said something like 'thats what you do, you don't get your own way so you say things just to hurt people. Felt like telling her to go and fuck her boyfriend unless she was cheating on him too.
Can't wait for year 10 to finish so I can live at dads and stop being treated like crap.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
the fighting you have when your not fighting
Sick. Not psyically sick. Just...sick. (i'm going to resort to crappy code names). A told L on the bus that she felt like I was shutting her out. I really couldn't care less at the moment. She was being enough of a smart-arse about it anyway. Gave me one of those stupid 'I-don't-care-because-I'm-better-than-you' looks she does all the time and just walked off the bus. I should probably be telling her this rather than putting it on the internet, but that'll just give her something to argue about.
It's not just her that does it. I should probably add that.
I feel sick all the time. I keep streesing myself and getting headaches. I find myself resenting the people I'm around so much I feel like vomiting. At least they've started to notice I'm not acting normal. Not sure if thats really good or not.
Anyways, now L (getting sick of the intials...) now knows that his 'bestest buddy' is pissing the shit out of me. I shouldn't blame him, and I'm not sure I do, it just seems like people choose him over me everytime there's a chance. I can't change that, so whats the point of saying anything?
I hate my sister. Treats me like I'm a dog. She couldn't tell a stick from a pencil. The whore eats twice as much as me, and then asks me why I eat all the food in the house. All I want to do is sleep. Not to sound to dramatic but when I'm asleep I can't sit in selfishness, crying over why I'm always second best. I honestly thought at the beginning of the year I had people who like me. I'll just blame it on myself, that's what I do. That's what makes sense...
It's not just her that does it. I should probably add that.
I feel sick all the time. I keep streesing myself and getting headaches. I find myself resenting the people I'm around so much I feel like vomiting. At least they've started to notice I'm not acting normal. Not sure if thats really good or not.
Anyways, now L (getting sick of the intials...) now knows that his 'bestest buddy' is pissing the shit out of me. I shouldn't blame him, and I'm not sure I do, it just seems like people choose him over me everytime there's a chance. I can't change that, so whats the point of saying anything?
I hate my sister. Treats me like I'm a dog. She couldn't tell a stick from a pencil. The whore eats twice as much as me, and then asks me why I eat all the food in the house. All I want to do is sleep. Not to sound to dramatic but when I'm asleep I can't sit in selfishness, crying over why I'm always second best. I honestly thought at the beginning of the year I had people who like me. I'll just blame it on myself, that's what I do. That's what makes sense...
Sunday, August 23, 2009
the thinking
At home. Had a headache this morning and didn't really feel like going to school and putting up with shit from people who supposedly like me. That is until someone better comes along.
Moving on, I'm watching The Big Bang Theory on that new Go! channel. I never really realised how much I liked it. Especially the theme song. Facts put into a humourous verse, I'd have to like it. It's clever and I get it, makes me feel smart.
I've decided to do this blog thing seriously. And I promise to write anything and everything I'm thinking about. Like right now I'm looking at my boobs as I type. Hmm, classy.
I'm waiting for Loui's party, sorry, partay. It should be fun. I've never really like parties though. It's either mine and I'm the centre of attention (which I hate) or it's someone elses and I'm with the small group, talking quietly in the corner. Not that that's a bad thing, Bridget's party was made more enjoyable because of quiet talking in the corner. Or crying under a clothes line.I wish I could lose a little fat off my arms. Going off on a tangent.
In the end, what ever I do will end up in irrelevent words on the internet.
Moving on, I'm watching The Big Bang Theory on that new Go! channel. I never really realised how much I liked it. Especially the theme song. Facts put into a humourous verse, I'd have to like it. It's clever and I get it, makes me feel smart.
I've decided to do this blog thing seriously. And I promise to write anything and everything I'm thinking about. Like right now I'm looking at my boobs as I type. Hmm, classy.
I'm waiting for Loui's party, sorry, partay. It should be fun. I've never really like parties though. It's either mine and I'm the centre of attention (which I hate) or it's someone elses and I'm with the small group, talking quietly in the corner. Not that that's a bad thing, Bridget's party was made more enjoyable because of quiet talking in the corner. Or crying under a clothes line.I wish I could lose a little fat off my arms. Going off on a tangent.
In the end, what ever I do will end up in irrelevent words on the internet.
the start
I've decided to create a bloggy thing (obviously) to try and keep my blogging, or absence of, separate from my myspacing in hope to compel myself to write stuff down again. Because I kind of like it.
If your looking at this and wondering what the hell is up with my blog's title, the answer is: I'm not really sure either. It has basically no relevance to anything other than what the display on my tv said at the exact time that I was looking for a new and exciting Twitter username. A feeble attempt to add colour and movement. Before I start, I should warn you that my 'style', I guess you could call it, of writing is a vibrant mix of both proper english featuring a number of big words and some strange words that I've made up and use in my everyday communicationing.
The main reason I decided to spontaniously start a blog is because of Loui's complaining about only having one follower. I am now his second.
I like writing on the internet because it's like a mumble. It's there for anyone to hear when you don't really want to tell anyone. That, and my computer's in my room so it kind of feels like it really is mine, posting it from where I spend the majority of my time. Alone and thinking. I like thinking, even though I tend not to frequently.
I could go into paragraphs analysing myself, but then you'd get bored and wont read it anymore. That and I have no idea where to begin. I don't find myself in anyway remarkable and therefore don't know if there is anything really different enough to tell people. I'm human and I'm blogging, thats all you really need to know.
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