the book

Before I get to my relevant and truly hilarious anecdote, is there any polite way to call someone a prostitute? I quite like 'ladies of the night', sounds all mysterious-like and Girlfriend Magazine said that was sexy. Anyway, on with the circus...(that phrase is so going to catch on)

We were given a book to read a while ago for Advanced English (that's right, I'm in Advance - just like the money you give a prostitute). The book was Looking for Alibrandi, and because I'm not a real reader - it's not that I don't like reading, just that a lot of fiction books that I try to read bore me within the first chapter - I was reluctant to read it. Reading the first 30-something pages didn't help either, kind of felt like the author (Melina Marchetta, Melina Marchetta, Melina...) was dumbing it down a bit for me...

(must remember Melina Marchetta...Mrs Mack told me to. I might fail English...)

So, I just skimmed through a bit, got the point of it an moved on. But as we started discussing it in class, I actually wanted to read it.

So I did, last night, all of it.

And it made me cry.

Serious bawling my eyes out until my stomach hurt crying.

Thank Cupcakes I was home alone...

So, if anyone has a really good book that'll do that to me, let me know.

No pretentious bullshit either.
She says, writing a blog...

I'm aware of how boring this post is.
Good afternoon.

the bird factor

3rd & Bird;
This is now my new favourite little kiddie show (ie, preschoolers) EVER.
It's so adorable. Don't ask me why I was watching CBeebies - basically an entire channel for preschool-aged shows - but I do recommend, if you have the channel (not sure what pack-thing it is) type in 705 now. Right now. And enjoy :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDbe8-x3naw&feature=related


Blogger won't let me embed the video or, more annoyingly, copy and paste the address. So if the link doesn't work - search '3rd & bird muffin song' - should be the first one.

Goodnight.

the worth

I was planning all day to write a happy blog this afternoon. Unfortunately, or fortunately - my depressing rambling seems to be slightly more entertaining, my plan started to go down hill in biology in 2nd period.



I began the day overly happy, the result of three and a half hours sleep which was the result of feeling overly happy and giddy in the first place. Then everything started falling. I felt like I was sinking. I've been actually rather happy lately for a long period of time. Strange, really, not that I'm complaining.

I guess it shouldn't be a surprise that it all fell down as suddenly as it did.

In the space of about 5 minutes I went from being the happiest person in the room to the one who shouldn't even be counted as one in the room. I make no difference, I make no impression. I started over analysing things. Mainly the fact that I'd been 'flagged' by my tutor group teacher for having 6 days absent already. That's the way I know how to deal with stress. I regrettably started doing it in year 6 when my dad seemed to hate me, my teacher absolutely loathed me and my friends didn't really mind that I wasn't there. Again, I make no difference.

One thing that is different. Well, not so much different as a reoccurring nightmare.

I feel lonely.

Just very lonely.

I don't really have that person anymore. The one who people automatically think of when they hear your name, the friend who, no matter whoever else was around - would always choose you first.

I haven't had that for a while.

I don't really have anyone to cry on the phone to. And although that sounds dramatic - I did it a lot.

They just lost interest.

Everyone loses interest. Because I'm just not that interesting. I'm replaceable. I'm worthless, hopeless and I'll never make a difference to someones life.

I've never said it straight out on this blog before. But as it seems no-one reads it anyway.

I don't want to be here. Here or anywhere.

If you are reading this, I don't need a shoulder. I don't want people offering to listen. Because the fact is: I don't trust you. You'll leave me at some point. The novelty will wear off, you'll lose interest.

Or I'll end up doing something horrible, and you'll use it against me in a fight.

It's inevitable. I like being alone too much, but want someone there just in case. I'm a horrible person. I let people down, I get what I deserve.

There's one person I'll trust enough to talk to. But that will make me a hypocrite, and I'll let him down too.

I'm sorry for wasting your time.

Goodnight.

the happy snaps

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the insanity/the forgetting

Slept in until about 12:30 this morning (sorry, afternoon) not because I'm incredibly lazy, but because I was at the AC/DC concert. Which was insanely EPIC.
People getting their boobs out for a camera (which got broadcast to 70,000 odd (drunk) people on a big screen), Angus doing a strip tease right down to his AC/DC undies... and there was something else I was going to put down but I forgot...

Anyway, it was very good. I shall stick some photos up in a separate post.

Community day at school tomorrow. Not actually quite sure what it is but it means no uniform, no lessons and no repetition.

Oh, and before I forget:

• I'm actually starting to like the idea of people reading my blog.
• I forgot what I was going to write here.
• I swear the bra I have on had beads on it.

Good afternoon.

the strange

I realised I hadn't blogged in a while.
So I decided to create another meaningless blog about slightly funny, a little strange and 'you'd understand if you were there' moments of my Tuesday.

It started this morning. Alex said something that I thought needed repeating in legal studies.
I wrote it down and just started adding to the list instead of doing -possibly very important- school work.

This is what I ended up with:

• "Andrew Lloyd Webber is a wank." - Alex, Legal Studies, period 1 today.
• "If the Queen wanted to go bump off Camilla..." - Mrs Chapple, legal studies.
• "Put the baby on vibrate." - Alex again, legal studies.
• "If you want to be Muslim, worship Satan, be Catholic, you can." - Mrs Chapple, LST.
• "...until my phone shagged itself." Taylor, yesterday afternoon.
• "It's a rhyming threesome." - Me, accidentally (should be in the English curriculum)
• "Hold her up there like the Loin King!" - Bridget, Religion.
• "You're in big, BIG school now!" - Mrs Barry, Religion.
• "And that wall opened up like those openy-up wall-y things." -Bree (Year 10 dux)
• "Like a self-powering vibrator." - Me ( I meant to say battery...)
• "Are you still going to be wanting your sucking stick back?" - Bree, describing a straw.

One day of spontaneous stupidity in a few dot points to fuel my boredom.

Oh, and NBN are going to completely screw up Top Gear with their ridiculous, incomprehensible, unreliable scheduling.

Goodnight.

the revelation(s)

For a very long time I've been trying to figure out what I want to do after school. I always like having an answer to the almost cliched question of "what do you want to do?"

Since I was two until the middle of last year it was Medicine. After realising I probably couldn't put up with the hours, I turned to Psychology. I've always been fascinated with the brain and remember when I was little I'd ask questions that I know the answer to just to see how peoples thought patterns worked. Although, the explanation at the time wasn't quite so complex.

After thinking about the actual employment possibilities of studying psychology, I've had second thoughts.
That and dad keeps rattling off different career choices because he thinks psychology is a stupid idea.

I'm kind of leaning towards law. Lawyer-ism had crossed my mind back in year 8 when I was - borderline - failing maths. I like the idea of it. And although I know people think the complete opposite of me, I really like a good argument.

Actually, I'm pretty sure I want to do law. Even if the UAI (or ATAR or whatever acronym they've changed it to) is 92.9 at Newcastle and 99.65 at Sydney.

Now the only issue is, what course?
I can't do straight out law because it's a graduate entry so I'm trying to choose between Bachelor of Social Science/Bachelor of Law and Bachelor of Arts/Bachelor of Law.

The Social Science one sounds really interesting and good to put on a resume but Arts includes Psychology and a few languages.

So I've gone from being sure, to changing my mind to being sure again to considering my options to being totally confused to being sure to researching to just not knowing.

I've always thought not knowing was a good place to be but now I don't know.

Maybe I'm simply aiming too high. Suppose I'll just have to wait and see.

Have a nice Wednesday.