the ten songs

I was reading a whole heap of 'Worst Songs of All Time Lists' last night and realised that some of the songs were so hilariously bad that I had to love them. It kind of hard to pick a song that's so bad it's well... bad. (Except for What's Your Flavour/Flava - Craig David and I Love Pop Music - Ben Lee) Instead of making a list of the best songs or the worst songs, I'm going to do both. Mostly because if the RTA hadn't screwed me around yesterday, I'd most likely be driving now...





10.Wasabi - Lee Harding

Yet another past Idol contestant faded into obscurity. And, to be honest, so did his song. It makes very little sense and he scares me. But, he is singing about condiments - which instantly makes a song memorable. RIP, Lee Harding's career, though.

9. Macarena - Los Del Rio

"Something, something, something, something, macarena! Something, something, something, something macarena. Ah, something, something, something, something macarena! Heeeeeeey, MACARENA!" It's one of the very few dance-songs that I know the dance to. This and the Ketchup Song.

8. The Ketchup Song - Las Ketchup

"I said a-hey a-ha, a-something a-something a-something,something something, a-something a-thingy with the boogie and the somethingy beat". Yes, it's on my iPod. No, I don't care. When it came out it was the coolest thing to know the dance (as opposed to now where the coolest thing is to know who hates who). It's so catchy. And I'm pretty sure they're singing about Tomato Sauce in Spanish/Spanglish while on a beach. What more does a song need?? Exactly.

7. I'm Blue - Eiffel 65
"I'm blue, da ba de da ba die" Again, pointless and awesome. If you don't agree, think of the fun hours you can spend filling in the missing lyrics with friends and family... "I'm blue, if I were green I would die..."

6. Who Let the Dogs Out - Baha Men
A title that defies the laws of punctuation. I respect their rebelliousness, though I still don't know who let the dogs out...

5. Achy, Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus
Hate me all you want, but I think it's outrageously, chessily AWESOME! The lyrics are bad, the music is bad, the tune is bad and the hair was definitely bad. I can't help but like it for it's badness, no matter how painful it is.

4. Strawberry Kisses - Nikki Webster

A twelve year old Australian girl who somehow found a way to sing in an American accent... About wishing she could pash some guy who tastes like strawberries. Everybody loved in in primary school (even I admittedly bought the CD - how embarrassing) and I thought I hate-hated it until I heard it again last night. It's so corny (and kinda bogan-y) that it makes me want to dance like Brittany Spears. And the film clip is very 2001 and therefore cool. Nikki Webster is [was] AWESOME!!

3.Livin La Vida Loca - Ricky Martin

My first loves were Greg Wiggle, the guy with trumpet in the Hooley Dooleys and Ricky Martin. I loved Ricky Martin. I had his CD, I new his songs, and I loved him. Sure, the words I sang ( and most of the words he sang, I'm sure) didn't exist but I sang them none the less. And man he can dance... Even though this song is so hideously bad - and I know it - I like it.

I still love Ricky Martin.

2. Hello - Lionel Ritchie

"Hello? Is it me you're looking for?" No, she's blind. Seriously, a creepy guy stalking a blind girl that does stuff with clay (who is also his STUDENT). It's very stalker-y. To understand the full Lionel Ritchie scariness, you have to read the lyrics and watch the clip. Why do I like it? It's an awesome song to belt out in the middle of nothingness - until it gets stuck in your head for a week - and I don't mind a bit of friendly stalking :).

1. The Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum) - The Cheeky Girls

I only first heard this last night and i fucking love it. They're Romanian twins in short-shorts singing about their butts - how much more hilariously sweet can you get? YouTube it, you will thank me. And then watch their Christmas song, "Cheeky Christmas" - Fun. For. Hours.

the birthday

Hello kidlets! I thought I'd use the excuse of another birthday gone to tell you all what I did on both my actual birthday and the day after. I promise it's hilariously depressing.

Very early Friday morning.
After failing to sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time due to an apparent illness, I wake up - two hours and 32 minutes into my 16 birthday - and quickly rush to the bathroom so I can vomit up everything I ate the day before (which was 1/4 of a sandwich and a million litres of water). I then realised that when I thought the day before that I couldn't get any sicker, I was wrong. I then spend 30 minutes cleaning while making sure my father didn't wake up before returning to my tissue filled room and failing to sleep once again.


6am Friday morning.
I was lying in bed watching the Today show. I thought I was better compared to my nighttime experience and I was adamant on going to school on my 16th birthday. My father told me that if I went to school - I was an idiot. I still wanted to go. I started getting ready a whole hour before I usually do with a slightly runny nose and a voice like a pubescent male. I then began to feel ill. i almost faint, I want to vomit. I continue getting prepared like a moron.

7:37 Friday morning.
My father calls from work and can't believe that I got ready for school. He once again ells me that I shouldn't go to school. He told me that I looked like crap and I'll end up vomiting on someone or passing out at school - not very attractive. I begin to cry and tell him how much I wanted to go. We finish or conversation and I begin to make my way to the lounge. I blackout before I make it. I decide it's probably a good idea to stay home. And to stay close to the ground.

Friday Day.
I spend the day failing to sleep and watching particularly boring TV. I then miss skitHOUSE on Comedy Channel and then miss it again when it's repeated two hours later. I didn't get to see my father on my birthday. I travel to my mother's.

Friday Night.
While talking to Bridget - just after I tell her that I'm feeling a little better - I, once again, throw up. I then try to do the driving test over the internet as I am booked in to do the actual test the following day. I fail twice. I hadn't failed the test since I had first tried it in the previous August. I begin to get frustrated as all I've wanted for the past few weeks was to spend my extended weekend driving. I then sleep.

Saturday morning.
After a surprisingly good nights sleep, I wake up early to go to the RTA. I eat breakfast - which is unusual for me and I try to make my sickly face look decent. My mother then drives me to the RTA for my 9:30am booking.

9:00 Saturday morning.
We are early for my booked test. We wait in line, receive a ticket and are called to the counter.
My mother explains our situation to the counter lady and hand her my forms and birth certificate. She then looks at us confused and tells us that everyone that had booked a test for this particular day were called and told that the computer connection to the Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages was offline and they could not validate any birth certificates. I was told that I would have to wait a further three days to receive my license. I am very pissed at the counter lady and consider stabbing her with on the the pens on a counter behind me even though i know they are connected to the desk via chain and would not reach her. I leave the RTA - disappointed and devastated.

Midday, Saturday.
My mother and I drive my sister to her friends place. While she is inside speaking with the child's parents, I am in the car coughing. When she returns to the car I inform her that I am having difficulty breathing. I begin to panic and cry and we drive to the hospital.

1:30 Saturday.
We arrive at the hospital and tell the triage nurse what is wrong, she takes my blood pressure and temperature and sends me to the emergency ward. She tells a nurse that I am tachycardic and the other nurse puts one of those pulse things on my finger. She says that my heart rate is apparently quite high. She give me an oxygen mask and some pain killers as I wait for the doctor. The doctor asks me questions and says it may be a chest infection or just the common flu. he put an intravenous needle in my hand and tries to take some blood. He cannot get much blood out of my vein so he goes to the other arm and tries in the usual blood taking area. He cannot get my vein after a lot of poking so he gives up and tries to use the little blood he had already obtained. The nurse then returns to hook up a drip. I sit there for a very long time before I am taken to get an x-ray of my lungs. I lay on a bed in a hallway for ages before the guy with the moustache takes me into the actual room. I get the x-ray and return the the hallway to once again wait. By this time, I am beginning to run out of signs to read ans thus becoming bored. I finally go back the the emergency room and am hooked back up to the drip to wait for my blood and x-ray results. And hour and a bit passes and the doctor returns to tell me it is the common flu. I then wait further minutes until the intravenous is taken out of my hand.

I then go home, 3 hours later, still sick and still without a license.

What a wondiferous birthday.
Goodnight.