the tinsel and other stuff

Good afternoon, people.
I'm in a decidedly good mood compared to the previous week, even though it's Christmas. Never really been a huge fan of Christmas since my parents split. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with not being able to hang around dad at mum's side of the family's annual get-together on Christmas eve. The majority of the family act like they don't have to time for us. So, as usual, my sister and I spent the night talking to the only members of the family we relate to; our 13 year old cousin Jessy, her mother ( who I had extended conversations with, about tattoos and other things) and various young children - including my new puzzle buddy, 3 year old Owen (who happens to be born on the 23rd of April, like me (and is Mr. Hickling's brother's son)). We spent the last part of the night doing puzzles while my other cousin, Jeremy, destroyed them.

The next day went to my dad's sisters place for lunch, and besides the disappointment over the lack of Nana's potato bake, had a lot of fun (Nana made up for it with her trifle). My Auntie Kerry made good potato bake, but she's no Nana. Well, she is - just not my Nana.

Then, dad's brother's place for Boxing day. Again, very fun and hilarious watching dad and his brothers fighting about nothing and Nana intervening and telling them they're naughty.

Happy [premature] New Year, and good evening :)

the stupidity

A list of pointless things about me that will serve no purpose besides giving me something to do.
Sunday, 13th December, 2009 - 10:42pm

I am a hypocrite.
Hypocrites really annoy me.
It confuses me how people who strive not to be categorised by religion, categorise themselves as an Atheist or Agnostic.
People need to admit when they don't know something.
There are two things that get me in trouble - thinking too much and not thinking enough.
I want to blend in with the crowd, but I want to stand out.
I try hard to make the things I do look effortless.
I talk about myself too much even though I hate talking about myself.
If I tell someone everything, I never give them all the details.
If I give someone all the details, I never tell them everything.
I don't like people knowing about me because the fear that they'll use it against me is always there.
I always find a way for something to be my fault.
I wish I knew more people.
I love colour, but everything I do ends up black and white.
I wish there was something about me that was unexplainable.
I'll always be average.
People are constantly telling me things I don't know about myself.
There's only one person in the world that knows that's something wrong with me before I do.
I wish I had someone instead of being the person people have.
I wish I could find something I can really care about until I bleed from the eyeballs.
I try hard and get nowhere while people who don't try at all travel.
I hate change but fear anything unchangeable.
I need to be around people that will let me reinvent myself every day.
Things need order but I need spontaneity.
I wish I was interesting.
Anytime someone says they're proud of me, and mean it, I'll start to cry.
I hate being sad, without knowing why.
I wish I was the person people came to for help, instead of the other way around.
Internet Personality Tests know more about me than I do.
I don't believe my own opinions because logic is absent.
There's one person I want to read this, but they never will. Just so they know I'm not ignorant.
I wish I knew what I was doing.

the familiarity

I'm shaking, vomiting, sobbing, stressing and basically feel like crap.
I've been here before.
The only thing I can do is cut out everything that makes me unhappy.
Or cut myself out from everything.
I'll let you know what I choose.
Or you can see it for yourself.

the sister I'll never have

I'm really sick of being treated like crap by the person I'm supposed to be closest to. I have hardly done anything to her since she was born and definitely nothing compared to what she does to me.
She walks all over me and acts like she's better than everybody else, and as usual is still the centre of attention. The constant name calling is getting a bit much, as petty as an argument based on 'you're fat' is, the last time she said it, I didn't eat for two days. I'm not going to explain everything shes done, but this is from my sister. My own little sister who I've done nothing but protect since she was born.
Before you tell me not to turn my back, I have two choices - let her be or end up exactly where I was last year. And that's not a place you want to be.
She was my sister. I'm done trying to look out for her. Shes turned into a monster and I want nothing to do with her.
Good luck and farewell.